Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
