dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
