you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
