i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
