Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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