If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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