My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
