question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
