capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
