I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
