I think i peed on brittanys purse
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
