My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
