Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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