Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we're so committed to being not committed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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