she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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