People in love make me want to vomit
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
