I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
