You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize