so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
