If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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