That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
