dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
