omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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