Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
