I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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