I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
