I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
