the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
