i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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