i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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