I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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