smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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