Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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