I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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