that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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