I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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