I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
