I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They are going to name an STD after you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
