how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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