Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
