i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
