Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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