hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
