Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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