Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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