I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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