just tell him i said nine months
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
