Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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