Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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