i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
