Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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