Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You made out with two different species that night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
