he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
