just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
