i dont even know how to be here
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Vodka?
Forever.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
