I have demons in me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My pussy is not your playground.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The air was thick with penises
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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