what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
