There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you had me at cake vodka
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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