I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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