They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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