so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
