I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sarcasm needs its own font
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
