Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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