2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
