Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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