I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
someone owes me an orgasm
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
