i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
birth control should be required to get into college
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
