My liver just broke up with me...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there's paper in my vomit.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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