She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
