would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
