Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
