She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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