guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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